As a little girl, I would sing and sing. I can remember standing in our upstairs playroom holding the remote to my petit pink lips, belting ‘Country Roads’ in front of an audience of my teddy bears and Barbie dolls. Thinking back, I had absolutely no worries. The idea of being “self-conscious” was not one I was familiar with.
However, between the ages of 9 and 12 all of that seemed to change; I became reserved and unsure. I couldn’t tell you why, some speculated (falsely, I might add) that my parent’s abused me or that I was bullied by my fellow fifth grade classmates. A few thought it was whatever T.V. shows I was watching or that my teacher’s and sister’s weren’t supporting me. What no one seemed to understand was that it was none of those things. In fact, it was the exact opposite of all of them.
I was growing up. I was coming into my own and with that came extremely oily skin and a scrawny physique. Now, due to my knobby knees and pizza-face, my self-confidence dropped massive amounts while my self-awareness essentially doubled. Singing in front of a crowd no longer made me happy. What made me happy was sitting next to the bay window in my family’s living room reading Mitch Albom novels and eating massive amounts of carbs. I wasn’t being abused, or anything of the sort, I was just changing.
Now that I’m older and can honestly reflect on the situation, it’s almost funny to me. My interests changed, that was it. I didn’t lose an arm or a leg. I didn’t gain obscene amounts of weight or lose obscene amounts of weight. I went through puberty. That was all. Now, at 18 years old, my personality unrecognizable from that little girl I once was. My interests have completely changed, my music taste has, hopefully, improved, and my aspirations have taken a sharp turn in, what I think is, an awesome direction. Regardless of all these changes, there are a few things about me that will always be the same.
So, no matter what I do, no matter what I write, or however much my likes/dislikes may vary, I will always be that same girl with the round face, big blue eyes with unusually large pupils, and chubby cheeks.